Ekmeros continues his studying but he's not really thinking about Mallon - rather, himself, and the fight. His eyes aren't really looking at them but he's certainly staring. He can't tell them about his... situation, so to speak, because it would certainly do nothing but benefit them - and, not to say anything against them, he does not think they were the type to extend sympathy, even if he wanted it. He can imagine them saying something that pries or dismisses or just staring in confusion.
And yet, that 'situation' hangs over him and the fight. There is no point in winning, he's decided. He'll have to stay anyway and the only thing he can ever want, no one can help him there. The fact doesn't make him feel lonely, it just makes telling people have no point. Why would anyone want to know about something they can never help with? And so, the Church cannot help him. Yet it was a miracle he came. But nevertheless, it makes winning against Mallon - and thus fighting Mallon - nothing but a time-waster. If anything, perhaps it would be simpler to lose early, and then maybe the Church could begin treatment, whatever that entailed, earlier.
"...I do not really wish to fight you, Mallon," Ekmeros slowly says, "and I have my reasons not to- not because we know each other. Other issues that complicated the matter." He grips the strap of his viol case tighter. "Besides, I really have nothing to gain from fighting you - the prize isn't exactly of interest to me. So I propose that I throw the fight. You move onto the next round, I can... take my leave, and then you will have a far more interesting fight against someone who wants the win just as much as you." What he left unsaid was that he didn't exactly want to fight Mallon because they were young - and children rarely liked being told they were children.
@em | enya + mallon